'I don't know what my partner earns': How soon into dating should you reveal your salary? - BBC News
BBC Homepage
Accessibility Help
Your account
Home
News
Sport
Earth
Reel
Worklife
Travel
Culture
Future
Music
TV
Weather
Sounds
More menu
More menu
Search BBC
BBC News
Menu
Home
Climate
World
UK
Business
Tech
Science
Entertainment & Arts
Health
In Pictures
More
BBC Verify
Newsbeat
Business
New Tech Economy
Technology of Business
Artificial Intelligence
Africa Business
Paths to Success
'I don't know what my partner earns': How soon into dating should you reveal your salary?
To play this video you need to enable JavaScript in your browser.
This video cannot be played
Figure caption: Watch: How soon into dating do you talk about your salary? We ask New Yorkers and Londoners
By Yasmin Rufo
Business reporter
Reporting from New York
Published 8 October 2026
Updated 9 hours ago
You know their favourite restaurant, what happened with their ex, and their most embarrassing childhood story. But do you know how much your partner earns?
Money remains one of dating's trickier conversations. Bring it up too early and it can sound like you're sizing up their bank balance. But leave it too long and you could be planning a future with someone without knowing much about their finances at all.
We spoke to 20-somethings in New York City and London to see if there was a sweet spot for when to talk salaries.
Image caption
Willa Morton, 25, says she doesn't think couples necessarily need to reveal their salaries at all.
Willa, who works in tech sales, has talked to her boyfriend about not earning very much herself but hasn't asked him for a figure in return.
He's a company founder and, though his income varies, she knows that he earns more than she does.
"He's more free-spending whereas I'm always saying, 'That's too expensive, that costs too much, we don't need to spend that.'"
Their dates typically cost around $200 (£150) and he usually pays, while she picks up smaller bills such as coffees.
"It's an unspoken rule that he will pick up the bigger bills."
Image caption
For many, there's a fairly clear dividing line as to when you talk about salary, spending habits, and debt and that's when you become an official couple.
Alexa Ludato, 25, who works in insurance, says she'd only have the conversation when she was official with someone.
Before then, she would "like to have an idea of what their job is, but not how much they make".
Her friend, Vik Sunderaj, 22, agrees.
"You should only discuss it once you get into a serious relationship."
He thinks a salary question on the first few dates is "a little crazy".
"If they asked, I would be honest, but I wouldn't bring it up," he says. And if his date really wanted to know his salary, "it probably means they wouldn't be the right person for me".
'Asking my salary is a red flag'
Others feel even more strongly about being asked too soon.
Twenty-six-year-old Bridget Shurdut, who works in sales, says she would find it "incredibly odd" if someone asked about her salary within the first few dates.
"I don't think I'd continue to see that person. I'd answer the question, but it would be a red flag for me."
For her, someone's current salary isn't necessarily particularly useful information anyway as she says she's much more interested in "whether someone is ambitious and driven than what they earn monetarily".
Dating and relationship coach Kate Mansfield says money conversations should start much earlier than many people think.
"In the first few dates you should talk about how each of you approaches money and spending, your values around it, and what's important to you."